sapphire02's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ana wins I feel so in control. I know that feelings are fleeting, however at this very moment I feel good. One meal, that's all. I exercised like mad. My hair and back were so sweaty. I haven't been like that in a long time. My legs are shaky, I feel great. I have to do this, I must do this. I love the control. No one can take that away except for me. One small observation. The more my home life gets out of control, the more I throw myself into this. I guess it is true about us being ana for control and not looks. I think for me it's both. But without control there is nothing. Part of me is scared that I won't be able to keep my grasp on this. Like last time. Ana had her claws in me and I became unhappy. Then I lost it and said forget it. Then Ms. Coe got ahold of me and it became an upward cycle from there. I hate being COE. There is no pleasure from that at all. I want those days to be gone. That's a symbol of chaos. No thanks. I'll do without. No B/P either. It's just too hard and another form of caos as well. Plus, I hate yellow teeth. Smoking was bad enough. At least the stains are gone from that. I know someone who B/Ps and is having their second root canal done. They decided to pull the tooth instead, it just cost too much. B/P is very expensive, another reason why I just can't. I can't stand to waste money. Plus, I have kids that I support. So anyways that's my take on ED's. That's why Ana wins thumbs up. 9:52 p.m. - 2003-02-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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