sapphire02's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I need to be bones Today was another restriction day. I did break it kind of.. I chewed a pastry. I spit it out. But then in the afternoon I ate one. Stupid, stupid. Tomorrow I have to be better. I need the will power to see others eat and not want it myself. I have to accomplish this or I'll never lose weight. I cannot believe I actually entertained the thought of quitting my job just so I could lose weight. That's sick. I am full blown ed now. I love/hate it. I want to get in deeper. I need to lose the weight. I need to control this. I need to feel good. My husband told me last night that I needed to lose weight. He said that I was fat. When we first met I was 115. That was before 2 kids. I told him I was trying. Why did , I say that? He said that I need to exercise more. I went to the gym twice yesterday. He has gotten fat, the beer belly thing. But it's me who is disgusting. I cannot fight against that. I do believe that. Oh please, I need to be bones, not for him for myself. I don't like him. I need to be free. 11:46 p.m. - 2003-05-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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