sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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What's new in my life? hmmm

The rain is so nice. I love it.

I talked to this guy I know all night long. In fact I have so for about 1 1/2 months. It never occured to me that I could post about it here. Duh. He is on my other journal, as well as his family so we really don't say anything at all.

He's great though. He is 23, lives in Mo. He just recently sent me a cd of some music he had written. Beautiful stuff.

I like him a lot but I tend to feel so unworthy of him. He has not been through he relational crap that I have.

He's had 4 girlfriends, all in high-school. He is still a virgin, by choice. That alone intimadates me. Why? Cause I've been through hell as far as sex goes. I've been honest and told him about it though. he didn't care

Hours of talking onthe phone, I have learned so much about him. It is so weird though. I kinda like it cause the whole sexual thing is not involved. Which is comforting to me considering I am not ready, I am in the process of divorcing my ex. My body.

My body issues are the biggest thing. I don't feel skinny enough, however, the parts that are, I don't like either.

He knows about my ed. I'm glad, and not so happy. He tries to make me eat. I hate lying and promising that I will, that I will not get any smaller than I am now. *sighs* I can't do as he asks though. I need to be smaller.

My kids like him alot. They chat with him online. Oh yeah, he has the same name as my son. Isn't that cool? My kids have told him that they love him. I was very surprised to learn about that.

So.... that's what's new. I am not eating today. I feel a little more in control since I've started my period. I will eat dinner, maybe. Most likely.

I'll jsut drink water, tea and coffee today. I want to get to 108 by Christmas. I have about 10 pounds to go, I think. I haven't weighed myself. I know that I had gained a little back after my binging. I had gotten down to 115. Not bad, not good enough. I'll weigh myself when I go to pick up the kids from their father's house.

Okay, that's enough of an entry for now. I'll write some more later.

7:14 a.m. - 2003-11-03

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