sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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10 pounds of something

I am not sure what this weight that I've gained is...

Is it water or fat? I can still wear my clothes, but I'm 10 pounds heavier. I am praying it's just water. I've been eating only 1 a day for awhile now. Soon it'll be even less. I just wanted my body to get used to having less before having nothing.

My mother talked to me about it on the phone. She was upset, more like angry. I kept laughing, pretending it was no "big deal" Still she begged me to get help. Nope, I can't. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way it looks. It will come off.

Everyone tried to convince me to stop. But I choose not to. There is nothing that they can do, cause I live on my own.

I didn't throw up yesterday, I almost did after eating 4 pieces of pizza. Still I figured that that was all I was going to eat so it didn't really matter.

My body told me different.. It hated the feeling of being full.

3:53 p.m. - 2003-12-08

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