sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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Pretending to be normal

So yesterday I ate normal for two meals, and purged lunch.

My stomach is round. I drank a bottle of wine last night.

Today I will not keep anything down. Or not eat if it hurts too much. Saturday I will try and fast, Sunday too.

My throat looks really bad and I have to go to the dentist on Mon. This will be the first time ever...that I have been afraid to go to the dentist. I had this weird blister on the roof of my mouth that popped yesterday.

My boyfriend did admit that he was now getting tired of this eating disorder. I'm going to try and bury it little further from him. I allowed him to see some of my writing because he begged me not to keep secrets. Yesterday I took him off that list. It's getting too much for him.

I've decided that if all possible, he must think I'm normal again. That way, he won't get too tired of me too fast.

Plans.... I feel like I'm weaving a web, will I eventually be caught?

I read yesterday that one of my fellow ana girls is going into IP. I wish her luck. Part of me is jealous.

I'm not that skinny yet.

6:18 a.m. - 2004-04-02

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