sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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This is hell

Sometimes I push him away, I don't want him to hear the toliet flush 5 times in a row.

Sometimes when he holds me close,I am busy thinking of how my bones look, and what will I allow myself to eat tonight.

He begs me not to worry and I pretend that I don't, but I can't help it. I think about it all day long.

I'm waiting just a few minutes more so I can purge. As soon as he walked out of the door and I ran in and got my leftovers from dinner. I ate that and pie. Now I'm guzzling mineral water. You see I'm desperate, one slice of pie has 400 calories. Who knows how many in the burrito.

I want to say tomorrow will be better. I don't know that for sure.

I want to think that tomorrw I won't purge at all. Then someone brings raviolis to work and tests my saniety.

This is hell.

I wish I could just not eat.

12:18 a.m. - 2004-06-30

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