sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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Don't touch me

Everyone is checking my bones....including my kids. I feel like they are whispering behind my back.

No one can just hug me anymore!

*whines*

I don't want sex, I just want to be held. I see myself as this fragile being, needing to be protected.

Hold me close without saying a word,

Feel my heart trembles, it resembles a bird's

Gather me to your heart

I belong there.

I realized that this is what I have always wanted. To feel protected.... I mean I want to feel sexy too, but not so much as protected. Like a little sister.

It was hard being the first child. It was hard having a dad desert me. My boyfriend's try and change me, my husband hate me.

I want to go back to when I was young, and still fragile.

I wish to be a-sexual sometimes. Just to feel loved. For reals.

I want the men in my life to stop using me.

To stop raping

To stop hating

To stop trying to change me.

Is that too graphic?

Sorry, I'm not being too dramatic, that's just how I feel.

I wanna be a little girl again.

I see myself sitting on his lap and just resting my head.

Feeling safe..

I wanna feel safe again.

I don't like me.

I want to cry and not explain.

I don't want to figure out this pain

I want to be innocent again

Don't touch me.

I beg you

It causes me to weep

For it gives me hope

As well as pain

I lose myself

While love I try to gain...

7:35 p.m. - 2004-08-04

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