sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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Please Go away

If blood would flow
to wash away the rage
I'd let it go
And wipe away the pain

Like tears from the stars
Upon the sea
How fragile we are

I pretend to be unclean
To try and mask this shame

Voices
I hear them speak
I miss one

I am NOT strong Brandon
I cannot do this
Let me go, let me be
I beg you

I am not good enough for a man untainted like you

I was the girl that tried so hard
You know, the ones teens make fun of.
We try so hard to be liked

Only it was doubly hard for me
I had no one that believed in me

'cept for the pervert at the park
he spoke lies to a willing heart

marriage

Oh God, how hard I prayed for just one man to be faithful

I gave all for nothing in return

My mother warned me, but it was too late
I was dirt.
Only I didn't want her to know

So many times I wish I could have cried, "Mama, I'm so scared. They dont like me ...just like dad."

So one man showed me kindness, and did not try and "jump my bones"
He was the most vicious of them all.

He pretended to be good, until "it" happened.

I was no longer good enough.

My mother tried to warn me. I didn't listen
I actually blacked it out

Until the day I got married.

Then pain will not go away.

" I will never be able to touch you, he took what was mine."
So I gave it to him

"I want a virgin."

Guess I'm no longer that.

"We should've remained friends.... why? I need a husband. We have two kids."

You should be asian

I don't like long nails

You are not skinny like you were at 16

"sorry I had two kids"

I hate you

"I hate myself for loving you"

You can't see your parents anymore

I need my mom
You need to go into a mental hosptial. I will never forgive you if you try and kill yourself again.

sorry, I was hurting, you didn't love me

Only selfish people kill themselves.

No, the trapped do too

God wants us back together.

I will try once more

Sorry, I did look at porno on your computer
Sorry I did go and drink
Sorry, I should've never married you
Sorry you are too fat
Sorry, you should've been a virgin
Sorry, YOU ARE NOT PERFECT

I really tried to be everything you asked
I drank, I smoked, I gave up family
and still I had no one, I was always alone

How can you call me names now?
I was good enough

I became everything you wanted.
I was willing to go to hell for you

Now I am willing to go to hell to get away

You were offered everything good in me. There is none left to give
You don't have to be jealous.
He gets the leftovers. The diseased-broken-hearted part of me. He deserved the best.
He is far better than the two of us combined.

Please leave me alone
Please
God help me....please go away

10:01 p.m. - 2004-10-05

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