sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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I'm taking up too much space

This is the lowest weight I have ever been as a grown up...Yet, I feel no sense of acomplishment. Why is that? I've struggles so hard to lose this weight, to free myself of the burden that hold me down.
All I can see is that it is not good enough.
I stare at my ribs, wanting to see the space therein.
I look at my toes and fingers, checking the width of space around each one.
I don't want to be skinny any longer.
I want to be space.
I stop measureing with tapes and rods long ago. I place fingers inside to see if it's the same. To see if the sharpness remains.
I press my fingers down deep into my hips, surpassing the sharp hills, I head down into the valleys. Pressing
until it hurts. If I'm bloated I know it..
There is too much of me. I am taking up too much space.

5:30 p.m. - 2004-10-07

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