sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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I'd rather sit in this dimly lit room
I don't want anyone to see me at this point. I find the light too bright and the voices to cheery for my liking.
Someone thought that perhaps I had bi-polar tendencies. Well, maybe but that's just another wonderful addition to hypoglycemia. Then again...it could be from sharing the room with a certain someone. It always causes a downward spiral of thought,and emotions. I feel anger in the pit of my stomach and it builds until it overflows. Creating havoc on those I love.

dammit, my stomach truly hurts.

This feeling of being out of control overwhelms me and I have fallen again.
I feel the need to "punish" myself and I am not sure why...

~stares off ~

I really don't think I'll ever get over all of this. I have often heard that you don't, you just learn to cope.

I have a long ways to go...
I can't stand myself. I will not look into any mirrors, I don't want to see my eyes. I don't want to see the emptiness that resides there. I will weigh myself, even while knowing it won't be good enough
He going to come home and see me like this.
~sighs~
I hate being such a failure.

8:29 p.m. - 2004-10-19

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