sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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I am alone

I did it...
I don't have to worry about appearances...or responding positive. Keeping my chin up means I can let the tears flow further down my cheeks.
I started to feel heart-broken and almost told my baby what was wrong last night. He didn't ask, I didn't tell. My mind shifted. Suddenly it no longer mattered as much.

This silence is golden. I have accomplished much. I have stuck and will stick to my goals.
I no longer worry about falling, cause I let myself go. I HAVE fallen and I do not wish to get up.
I entered in my space where Mia cannot reach me. I am back to my former love and it is good.
She has given me energy...I feel it in my bones. I went to the gym yesterday, today. It was like I had never left. My arms and legs hurt...
This is good.
My waist is small.
This is good
My belly is flat, no more bloat from over eating
This is great.
I am empty, first meal is cooking on the stove
This is great
I'm allowed to eat this because I have burned off all of the calories that I will be taking in.

I am alone...this is great.
Who was I pretending anyways? I have never had that particular longing fufilled for very long anyways..What was different about this time? Nothing..
Except I accept it this time.
It's okay, I'm okay.

Ana is my love
Ana is my best friend
Ana is my first choice.

8:21 p.m. - 2004-10-28

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