sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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Glass Heart

Emptier.....

I have just about gotten rid of everybody and every thing. Not that it was very hard to do. All I had to do was stop talking. Once the drama stopped, the others walked. Don't you hate it when the ex was correct?
I have this wine glass. It's the last of a set I bought when I first moved out. The first was broken by a loved one. This one was damaged by me..it's got a crack running down the side in an incomplete triangular pattern..
All one would have to do is bump it every so slightly and it will shatter.

I am drinking out of this wine glass. Every time I take it down, I make note, of that scar.


My future looks bleak. I am questioning everything.

Everything.

I cannot rise above myself long enough to complete this process.
The funny thing is, I no longer feel sorry.

Each day another dream comes crashing down, I find myself smiling. Ironically, but smiling nevertheless.
Some say...stop dreaming...Oh I have. I assure you. The dreams I had were from a life-time ago. My nights are dark, with slumber, and if perchance I wake while dreaming, it is nothing good I assure you.

When a patient is dying of renal failure, we turn up the morphine, knowing that it takes away the pain as well as their life.
I remember watching that. She lay there gasping, blood upon her lips, blood bubbling in her throat. She lasted three days....
I went in and held her hand. I flashed back to 2 weeks before when she apologized to me for being so heavy, (she wasn't..I just almost passed out from the heat of the room) I had crouched down at her feet, pretending to get to her eye level so she wouldn't noticed...she did. I'm sure it was my face..tinged with green. Here she was the patient, more concerned about me.

She had made her peace with Jesus. I held her hand to say goodbye. I leaned over and whispered,
"I'll see you soon."

I think someone has turned up the morphine. I no longer can feel my heart

6:15 p.m. - 2004-10-29

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