sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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He didn't mean anything by it

I went and worked out before dinner just because I knew that Brandon was making chili and I wanted to show my appreciation and try it.
It was delicious. So much so, that without thinking, I got another bowl. Both times that I served myself it was only filled less than half way.
I made him happy, cause he came up and said...
"Oh, you got a second bowl?" I froze...It hit me like a ton of bricks. Try as I might, I just could not justify it.
I got rid of it all. I have never felt so guilty as I did right then. I started to cry. I feel horrible for doing what I just did.
I just got scared...I've noticed the increase of tension around dinner time now. I get really snappy and bothered.
I just can't do it.. I cannot eat, even if I exercise the calories away before hand. Maybe it I see the scale go down just a few notches. At least 10 pounds more. Prehaps then I'll be able to eat dinner. Just dinner.
We shall see.

7:23 p.m. - 2004-11-01

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