sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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Honesty

Four days until I am married once again. I must admit...I am filled with dread. Not because I don't love him...rather, I feel "dirty".
I never thought I would once again wear white. I never wanted to be on display again.

Yet here I am.

Is it not funny how when changes are upon the horizon, something often comes in to remind us just how wicked we are?
E-mails from the ex...he has no clue when I'm getting married. I think it's the holidays getting him down. Who better to make lower than the one he has used as a verbal punching bag for 12 years?

I have purged all day.

No one knows. They knew I was stressed. I made sure I ate little around them. Playing the timid bride-to-be. Then I excused myself and heaved in the bathroom.

It's not helping. I am still here. I am still afraid.

On a good note:

He's been very considerate of my feelings. He knows it has to do with my past and he's been gentle with me. He stopps often to reach out and hug me.

I love him so much.

11:57 p.m. - 2004-12-26

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