sapphire02's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- pregnant again? I held my head in my hands and just started to weep. Cycles, like the sun and moon...Like the months, like a women's period... like the story of my life. I should have known, no matter how you try and run away from self, you take your shadow with you. I went and sat down on the floor besides Brandon... "Blood sugar?" I shook my head. No. I had thought that's what this quesiness was at first...this shakiness in my head. But when I had been making banana bread this morning the thought of actually eating it, the look of the smashed banana's made me ill. Uh oh, I've had this feeling before. He held me and assured me it'll be okay... I just don't know... All of it makes sense though, even though I keep hoping it's a big joke. All the signs, in my writings, the sudden feelings of weepiness, the tiredness, even after going to bed early. Cycles...or the lack of. Cycles... I took the test twice last night, one line was faint, and we panicked, I took another. There was no line (well, that's because I suppose the lighting was bad. it's there this morning.) we laughed and hugged and ate dinner. I woke up and felt like crap. I found myself getting more and more irritable by the sec. so I started cleaning and went to make the bread. That's when I remembered how I was the last time too.. I went took the last test, 2 lines. I'm still hoping this is a joke. But I know it's not, everything is the same as the first two times. I am scared to death I think I am pregnant again. I haven't told family, though the kids know. Shayla and Brandon are excited. Shayla is worried about me though. I'll wait just a bit longer before telling Brandon's family. I am much too afraid for that, plus, maybe it's a mistake. 2:21 p.m. - 2003-10-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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