sapphire02's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You mean nothing Last night I watched House. His patient was a girl who had been raped and was having a difficult time dealing with it. She had tried to commit suicide. House tried to get her to stop believing in God, that some things had no purpose and could not be explained. I held my face frozen...I did not want anyone to see that I was relating, that I was about to cry because I was dealing with that very thing all week. I mean I understood each point the other was making. House: He had been abused as a child... What the fuck would be the point in that? What eternal lesson could be learned? When you suffer abuse from the hands of a loved one, all trust flies out of the window. Her: She was raped as an adult, she had known good in her life. She just needed to know that there was going to be justice served against her attacker. Me: I don't understand why? I was torn apart as a child. I don't understand why I had to learn that lesson again and again as a teen. I don't understand why despite all of my nightly prayers from the moment my daughter was born, the one thing I would have prevented, almost came to be... I do know that I still love and trust Him...but I don't know what to do with THIS! I can't live with this in my head. I can't see visions of hands and of smells and of lights and sound. Grace? What is it? Is it His love despite me being unclean? Or is it feeling His tears flowing down in place of mine. I held Hannah in the kitchen today. We sat on the floor. My stomach is rolling, and I feel sick. I give in House was asked how he got the patient to finally talk and then go home. "I forced her to tell her story. I made her cry" Telling our story doesn't ever help. We just re-open scars and weep again. To be empty... Oh, you don't mean nothing at all to me
11:31 a.m. - 2007-02-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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