sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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Returning to Ana

I was cold so I headed to the shower to stand under the heat. I am so bored. I talked with my mother today. She didn't mention his name so the conversation was okay. Still I felt the stress of anticipation, I thought for sure she would...she always does. That would have surely triggered me to b/p quicker than anything.

After drying myself off I stepped onto the scale, just like I have so many times before.

152. I've lost a total of 4 pounds now. Just by eliminating simple carbs from my diet. I've eaten normal, so I know that tomorrow when I wake up the numbers will be even lower.

I'm not restricting. Not yet. Not until after the baby's born.

8 1/2 more weeks.

I must say the pull is growing stronger and stronger by the hour. I find my head filled with numbers. I find myself pulled back into entries written long ago...

So this is what I did

I am fighting emptiness right now. I wish for today to end so tommorrow can return with my husband in it's wake. I feel so better when he is here. My nerves are on edge. Like I could lose it at any moment.
One more reason to feel full. I am running walking in the other direction. If at all possible I don't want to ever return to Mia...she is an evil bitch.

4:15 p.m. - 2007-04-26

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