sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lonely

I overheard my husband talking with a friend of ours that livesin California. He was saying that if it weren't for the children's father, we'd probably move back to California. It was then it hit me that I could probably never go back due the fact that there is just too much drama surrounding me. Not that I caused any myself...but like with my family, it would be uncomfortable because they still get along with my brother. I would never be invited to holiday functions because of what his almost rape of my daughter.

Then there is my ex's family. They love me but will not ever show it simply because my ex won't allow for that. Things would be very uncomfortable.

Things are growing more tense here as well. Because of the whole house situation(we can't affornd the house his parents gave us and we need to move out) His family isn't talking to us very much either. I'm sure they blame me for wanting to move. Well, no matter what I say no one will believe me when I say that we can't find enough work here to support us, so my husband now works 4 hours away just to make ends meet..and they really aren't. We need to move up there to all be together, especially since I'm due next month.

I'm feeling very lonely. I won't say anything to mu husband, he can't fix it. But I realized for the first time, I don't really have a family or a place to call home. If it weren't for the fact that my husband has been here the last two weeks doing some work in town, I'd be downright miserable.

The end of a woman's pregnancy should be one filled with excitment and family...I have none of that. If I went into labor and my husband was working, there would be no one to call, even to watch my kids. His parents don't answer their phone.

I feel like I want to disappear, but I'm already invisible. Maybe if I was further away instead of being in the same town, the sting would go away.

2:12 p.m. - 2007-05-18

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

evangeline06
fleshandbone
aqualimestar
dimstar
luxelady
anadoll
dissolving