sapphire02's Diaryland Diary

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Help

This is the second day of my fast. I am not hungry at all. I can tell that mentally I am in pain though. One ting about fasting, it brings up the things you least liek about yourself. It's like food hides or something. We drown our sorrows in food, or by not eating we control.

I am starting to see myself stripped of any veils I may have made. I am selfish at times. I am quick to become irratated. I am vain.

Today has also been a trying day for me because my " better half" is drunk again. I can't handle it much longer. I am truly trying prayer and fasting but we shall see. I get so nervous around him, especially because they are like time bombs waiting to explode.

My daughter just told on her brother, I got so nervous and told her not to be an idiot. Why?? Because I didn't want him to get involved. I notice that I want them to be in thier own room because I'm scared that they will be themselves and get in trouble.

I really really pray that this will be the last time I have ever have to go through this. I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I am not old yet and I still look pretty.

7:36 p.m. - 2002-01-02

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