sapphire02's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My lament Go away, come back another day. I really can't take anymore of this. I hope I die quickly, not becoming confused. Here is this very bright and intelligent man. He built his own house with his two hands. I just saw him a week ago and he was with it. Now the medication makes him all loopy. Fuck.... then I went to see my grandmother. I haven't seen her in 6 mnths, why??? Cause it hurts me so bad that she doesn't know me. Today I went and she got mad at me. Told me to go away. I wanted to cry so bad. I was mad cause she looked healthy, I know she isn't. Please understand I don't wish death per se. But I hate seeing them like this. I want them the way they were. All of my grandparents are in the process of dying. My mother's mother is dying of lung cancer. My father's father is dying of prostate cancer. My father's mother is dying of dementia. All at the same fucking time and I'm hurting and I can't stop it. I drink every fuckin day. I hate it. I can't sleep if I don't. I feel like such a failure compared to them. I feel like the world is ending for me. I know it's not but that doens't help at all. I love you all. Please take care of yourselves. 7:19 p.m. - 2003-08-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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